Hope Connection Safety Center

"Hope Connection Safety Center"

Affects of domestic abuse on children
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HOW DOES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECT CHILDREN?
Children that have been exposed to domestic violence are affected by their experience. Each child will manifest the affects in their own way. What follows is a description of how children may be impacted.

EMOTIONALLY

Guilt -- feeling responsible for the abuse.
Shame/embarrassment -- feeling like this doesn't happen to their friends.
Fear -- of what might happen if they talk about what's happened, never knowing what to do or what to expect from the abusive parent.
Confusion -- about what happened, conflicting loyalties between parents.
Anger -- about the abuse, about the chaos, etc.

BEHAVIORALLY

Regressive behaviors -- usually to infantile stage

Aggressive

Passive

Chaotic behaviors -- hard to set limits

Rigid defenses -- aloof, sarcastic, rigid, blaming, defensive

Caretaking -- usually of one parent, becomes a mother figure

Extreme obedience and compliance

PHYSICALLY

Somatic complaints -- headaches, body aches, stomach aches

Frequently ill with colds, flu, and other viruses

Nervous, anxious -- short attention span (seems hyper-active)

Tired and lethargic frequently

Neglectful of personal hygiene

SOCIALLY

Isolated -- without friends or distance themselves from friends

Difficulty trusting others

Poor conflict-resolution skills

May act out same dynamics of home with their peers

Relationships may start intensely and end abruptly

COGNITIVELY (Children have learned to)

Feel responsible for the abuse if they are the victim

Blame others for their behavior if they are the perpetrator

It's okay to hit someone when they want something

To not ask for what they need out of fear of what might happen to them.

Behaviors of Children Exposed to Domestic Violence

Children from battering homes may exhibit:

a combination of limited tolerance and poor impulse control
depression -- a sense that there is no solution and no way out
economic and emotional dependency -- high risk for chemical use, sexual acting out, running away
martyr-like, long suffering
absences from school due to stress
pre-delinquent and delinquent behavior
shaky definition of self
low self-esteem -- sees few opportunities to succeed
social isolation -- little or no interaction with peers
complete identification with peers
bargaining behavior
increased deceptiveness -- lying, cheating, stealing, excuses
poor definition of boundaries for themselves and others
blaming others for their behavior
little or no understanding of the dynamics of violence
pecking order of abuse -- kills animals, abuses younger siblings
self-blame for family feuding, separation, divorce
uses violence as a problem-solving technique
poor sexual image -- uncertain of appropriate behavior
immaturity in peer relationships
heightened suicide attempts
thoughts of doing away with abusive parent

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