Teens - Dating Violence
EFFECTS OF DATING VIOLENCE
As each violent relationship varies so can the effects that a person will experience.
NEGLECTED APPEARANCE. To avoid triggering a boyfriend's or grilfriend's jealously, someone may neglect their appearance, or dress in baggy, unattractive clothes. They may be afraid to look attractive. If sexually abused, a person may hate themselves and/or their body. Someone may have lost or gained a whole lot of weight, because of the stress and nervousness caused by being abused.
SHAME. Someone may feel ashamed, as if there is something terribly wrong with them because this happened. They may blame themselves for the abuse. They may question themselves, their decision, their abilitie,s their appearance - and they didn't before the abusive relationship.
FEAR. They may be fearful or nervous a lot of the time, or get a stomach ache when they hear other people arguing. They may panic when they see the abuser or someone who reminds them of the abuser. They may have nightmares or flashbacks about the violent things that were done to them. They may be terrified of making mistakes or saying the wrong thing - no matter who they are with. They may find themselves thinking about the abusive boyfriend or girlfriend all the time, because they have a habit of watching him or her closely. If they have broken up with the abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, they may be afraid that he or she will try to hurt them. The abuser may have threatened them in the past ("If you ever leave..."), or is still threatening or harassing them.
ISOLATION. The person may feel isolated or alone, they may have lost friendships and closeness to their family because their boyfriend or girlfriend demanded it. They may start to feel ashamed, and withdraw even more from their family and friends. They may be afraid to see their friends now, because they are afraid they won't believe them or may think that their friends may believe that they caused the abuse. They may be afraid that their friends won't understand about the closeness and intense bond that kept the relationship together even though he or she was violent.
PROTECTIVE FEELINGS. They may feel that they should protect the relationship with the abuser, even when it is not good for them to do so. They may feel paranoid at times, not trusting anyone, or afraid of people interfering.
DEPRESSION. They may feel depressed. If someone is depressed, they might answer "yes" to the following questions. Do you feel as if you have no energy, or you're tired all the time? Are you tearful, or do your emotions go up and down too much? Do you sleep too much, or have trouble sleeping? Has your eating changed and have you gained or lost a lot of weight without wanting to? Do you have trouble thinking about the future? Do you think about yourself and your life as worthless? Do you think about dying or killing yourself?
PHYSICAL SCARS. They may have physical scars from injuries such as, bruises, broken bones, stitches. They may have a permanent disability from the physical abuse, such as a hearing loss or paralysis.
If you or someone that you know if experiencing some of these effects or is in a violent relationship there are people and places that can help or talk about what you or your friend are experiencing. You can call Hands of Hope Resource Center for information, help or a referral.
HANDS OF HOPE RESOURCE CENTER
Little Falls Office 320-632-1657
Long Prairie Office 320-732-2319
24 Hour Crisis Line 320-632-4878 or 1-800-682-4547
Taken from In Love and In Danger by Barrie Levy.
Resources:
9 - 1 - 1
Hands of Hope Resource Center: 1-800-296-1657 or 1-888-732-2319
Minnesota Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1-866-223-1111
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): 1-800-656-HOPE
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