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Children and Teens Program
PARENTING INFORMATION
Dealing with an Angry Child -
Alternatives to Spanking -
>Positive Parenting
POSITIVE PARENTING
There are two primary dimensions of parenting:
nurturing (love, support) and discipline (providing limits or control).
These must be done together in a healthy balance.
These can be broken down further into five dimensions of parenting:
- Modeling
- Nurturance
(This involves the way we give attention and time to our children)
- Limit Setting
- Limit Enforcement
(If you don't enforce it, it's not a rule.)
- Monitoring
Rules have to be there, however you want as few as you can get by with because you have to enforce them.
Attitudes We Want to Encourage in our Children
- Respect
- Actions or expressions that demonstrate care, regard, consideration or concern for
others.
- Empathy
- The ability to understand others' feelings, needs, or thoughts from their point of
view. (Empathy alone can be used negatively. We also need compassion.)
- Compassion
- Sharing another's suffering and feeling an urge to help them (even if such help has
some cost to self).
- Responsibility
- Respecting others' rights and being personally accountable for one's actions. Being
conscientious, competent and dependable. Taking appropriate action without
being reminded, even when no one is watching or it won't be noticed.
Tips for Positive Parenting
All actions have consequences. Start teaching children this early. We each are responsible
for our actions and consequences. No one has the right to engage in actions that have hurtful
consequences for others (this is not the same as unpleasant consequences). Being hurt as a
result of our own actions is different than perpetrating hurt on someone else.
When children are experiencing strong emotion/pain/threat, they are not in a teachable state.
They are in a fight or flight mode and not able to think clearly, listen well or problem solve.
Parents can use time out as a calming down period, not just a punishment. Time out can be done
together with the child on a parent's lap.
In order for children to learn to be responsible, they must have opportunities to be responsible,
i.e. household chores, allowances that include buying some of their essentials as well as having
money to use as they want.
For more information on Positive Parenting, contact Minnesota Extension Service, University
of Minnesota.
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Sexual Assault
>Children & Teens
Teen Web Pages
Domestic Violence
General Crime
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